STuFfeD: self-care 101

The sweet spot. The somewhat. It is in this space between where I am okay with with the unknowing. The uncertainity. In this space is balance. Equilibrium. In this space is the essence of context – more. The something more. In this space is enough.

When we are aware of functions we can use them as tools to support our experience. When we lose our connection to consciousness, we can get stuck and/or spin in the functions, falsely assuming there is no other choice.

It’s 10-10-20. The most special of special days. In honor of the day, I’d like to reshare a post from 2019. Synonym. Two words that mean the same thing. Smoosh is a metronome.  Smoosh is my neighborhood bestie. My neighbor’s dog. Smoosh is my reference point for equilibrium…balance…not too much, not too little…enough. My tagline…

The more I notice shifts as they happen in the day to day, the more aware I am of the general, natural experience of my thoughts and ideas constantly shifting to allow for a more expansive interpretation of whatever the situation, circumstance, or event is that I am letting consume me. I can begin to anticipate the shift, a clearing.

Life can portray fiction. Life can emulate a movie, a show. Interpreting circumstances, situations, and events through categorical lenses can help one organize information. Attaching definitions to particular ‘roles’ and ‘rules’ supports our subconscious stroll through what is perceived to be ‘everyday life’. The roles and rules change as the segments change. What happens when we stop being aware of the story we tell and the meaning we place on our perception of ‘context’?

Glennon did not buy it. She looked into the cheetah’s eyes – the cheetah was born to be a cheetah. Of course, Glennon tells the story with so much force that you’re bawling from your toes up – a vomit. Whether it is because you match Glennon’s intensity (which is why I’m good with about 10 minutes at a time), or because you resonate with the stupidity of taming a cheetah, or maybe it’s because the idea of wild and untamed living gets your attention. Passion. Full expression of the talents, skills, and abilities that live inside of you.We can live the unexamined no. The unexamined no most likely has a large fanbase. A majority, which allows the privilege of ‘no’ to be socially acceptable. Status quo.

Because I caught myself in the momentum of this idea when we ‘push against’ something we create more of it, I was able to turn it toward me. Leading up to this realization, I assumed I was innocent. It was those in charge responsible for the stuck and powerless energy I was experiencing.

I wonder about Candi growing up. I wonder if when Candi grew up she interpreted her environment and experiences in a way that allowed for a sense of ‘what do I have to lose?’; whereas another person in another set of circumstances and experiences may unknowingly grow from a sense of ‘I have everything to lose.’

I am working on coming up through the middle and being curious about ‘the other side’ when it comes to racial tension and political disruption. I found myself strongly leaning to a side and pushing against another side. I also found myself quite ignorant and uninformed about topics that I have had access and opportunities to learn more about, but chose not to. I am choosing differently now.