I believe in healing. 

Have you ever been asked what Superpower you would want to have? Once in a first grade classroom I shared that I would want the superpower of healing. And I remember feeling the student next to me nod, as if to say, ‘yeah…me too’. 

The book Nine Perfect Strangers by Liane Moriarty is where my curiosity about the healing capacity of plants began. Even though it was fiction, I was fascinated by the plant’s capacity to heal the chronic, toxic mental health issues that plague the lives of individuals and families, which of course contribute to society. I had read a few other books by LM and knew she did her research. I could immediately see the broader implications of what could happen if the psychotropic benefits were used with the intention to return a nation to its center of wellbeing. 

My next uptick of curiosity came when I listened to Michael Pollan on a podcast. I think it was the Tim Ferriss show. What never left my consciousness was the heartfelt description of his love for plants. How humans largely assume the plants are under our care and authority, rather than the plants have been caring for us, by providing what we need the whole time. Love. Everywhere. 

At some point over the last year or so, I knew I would one day facilitate plant healing. Keep in mind, I have never been involved in drug use besides alcohol and caffeine. More recently, I have been abstaining from alcohol in an effort to manage my A1C that seems to be activated after HIIT workouts. I also abstain from caffeine most of the time due to the ridiculous headache that results when I go off it after daily consumption – even just a few days. I don’t see it as a good thing. 

Obviously I knew if I was going to eventually guide the healing, I would have to experience it. I assumed I would be part of a medically funded study. I figured I’d be a good candidate on some level – like a cross study to include the ‘everyday monastic’.

At the 200 hour YTT (yoga teacher training) I participated in last fall, I met Biza Bemak. We seemed to keep finding ourselves using the bathroom at the same time and would laugh about it. We would pair up often when it was based on similar interests and lifestyle stuff. When Biza mentioned she would be missing a weekend due to a healing retreat she was attending, I knew there would be a connection. Biza went on to receive her certification as a Somatic Psychedelic Facilitator. 

In February, she messaged me and asked if I was interested in participating in the experience. I asked about Spring Break and we happened to have the same time available. We set a date, had a meeting beforehand, and it was all of a sudden locked in. I was going to do it.

I have had a morning Quiet Time since…a long time. It evolved into what it is now, which is getting up at 2am during the week (and often on weekends as well) and sitting in stillness with coffee (Mud/WTR now). Mug number one is on the couch, and number two brings me to the office to journal. I have also only lived by myself in my adult life, since age 40 I have maintained a very singular experience with the intention to ‘know myself’ and maintain the growth I was making to regulate my mood and emotions. 

As one can imagine, I have created a relationship with what I call the somethingmore during this morning Quiet Time. ‘Things make sense in Quiet Time’ is something I often say. Because my experience in my own life has been so transformative, I continue to grow in what I know to be dynamically true. I also have grown to know that everyone’s experience and interpretation of life and its phenomena are all quite different. Nothing is necessarily any more or less, it just is –  of course ruling out level of harm to self and other.

I assumed the experience would be similar to the state I access during Quiet Time, maybe amplified a bit. I assumed I would return with more insight and clarity, and a new appreciation as to what the experience could bring to those who suffer. My reasoning to one day guide the plant experience was to support those disconnected from the source of wellbeing, so they could know what healing felt like – an experiential taste of unconditional love and an intuitive sense of knowing there’s somethingmore. 

To say I wasn’t ready for the Alice in Wonderland, Spaceship Earth – Millennial Falcon, race through time and interwoven life experience, kaleidoscope web of mycelial interrelatedness, friends and coworkers as elders/guides/angels, existence as a psyche – no separation of gender as sexuality, images as parts of me to accept and love rather than to separate myself from, African roots and Black masculine imagery everywhere, golden Hindu priestess statue – ageless and timeless, forgiving parts of me as myself: an image of a childhood classmate I was mean to – “it was me” I said (maybe out loud), love as acceptance and forgiveness to all who appeared – evident they were all parts of me, would be an understatement. The conditional things I thought were important in day-to-day, were small or even meaningless in the scope of this mystical journey that a ‘silly little mushroom’ (just before I got swept in entirely I was laughing somewhat hysterically about the ‘silly little mushroom’, and would reference it at times in a mindblown/’I can’t believe this is happening’ way during the experience) took me on.  When I came out I sent a few text messages and I could see the honeycomb matrix as my finger touched the letters on my phone. I sat and stared until I went to bed, and the next day (yesterday) everything was slow and deliberate without trying to be. Biza told me that I kept rubbing my third eye throughout the five hours – which felt like maybe…none hours. I also know I began by lying on my back, but wove through every fetal position before laying again spread out on my back. As I was initially ‘leaving the realm’ I had asked Biza to cover me and make it heavy – recognizing later it was as if I had created a womb. 

It was mesmerizing and beautiful. I was never scared. I felt every feeling, even though I couldn’t feel anything. I was fully in the dream, my body a sack of bones. I could understand how it could be quite frightening without some of the context I had received through the past decade-plus of Quiet Time. Yet, Biza says the mushroom knows what we need. 

My biggest takeaway is the capacity to heal by loving the world around me and its people as parts of me to unconditionally accept with unspoken understanding and forgiveness. When I love myself and others as myself, I heal the world around me.

Yeah. I’d say that’s a big takeaway.

Please consult with a licensed facilitator if this experience resonates with your own healing journey. I would not suggest participating without consulting an experienced facilitator with a background in mental health. Biza is located in Golden, CO and can help you decide if the experience is something for your next steps in health and wellbeing.