When I notice myself sleep walking in the dull direction of rote living, I have to shake it out and get a little stern: Sally. Snap out of it. Better. Be better.
Stagnant living. What does it mean? Stagnant. Same.
Jinny Ditzler is considered to be one of the original ‘life coaches’. She created a formula for engagement. In the preface to her book Best Year Yet, she mentions one of her ‘aha’ moments happened when a boss called her out on results. Longer story, but basically she ‘woke up’ from the trance of just showing up, to intention and engagement in the why – what results was she showing up for?
Have you ever locked in to a rule so tightly that you held fast to ‘no’ without considering the why or an alternative viewpoint? Just ‘No.’ Why? ‘Because I said so.’
Can I ______? (no)
Is it cool if ______? (no)
Would you mind _______? (no)
And this unexamined and authoritative ‘NO’ may be the dynamic you have with yourself, as well as those you are closest to.
Enter in people you see rarely or may never see again:
Can I ______? (sure)
Is it cool if ________? (sure)
Would you mind______? (of course not)
I wish I had the answer to why this happens. Maybe I will by the end of this post.
Let’s try this whole thing again but include a pause and then a shift in the response.
Can I______? (nuh…wait…hm…is this really a big deal?….why not? – ‘okay, sure.’)
Is it cool if_________? (not todaaaa…..wait….hold on…I suppose it’s not that big of a deal…’yeah, that sounds great.’)
Would you mind________? (yeah…I mi….wait…what do you want again? Actually, no I don’t care at all – go for it)
What is happening here?
We have rules. Oh do we have rules. Rules for rules. What happens when we start to be curious about the rules?
Do you notice your rules?
Do you question or examine the rules?
Positive change and sustainable growth outcomes have to begin with awareness. In the example of the ‘no’ above, it may be easy to recognize the unexamined pattern at home, at school, or another familiar setting.
What about the dialogue and rules you set with your own self?
Glennon Doyle is intense and expressive, she displays raw emotion and wicked vulnerability that shakes her audience and wakes them up out of the dull trance of day to day.
I love GD because who doesn’t love someone who is unafraid, but I can only do it in small chunks. She’s a 15 on a scale to 10 and I think I regulate at about a 7 or 8.
When I go back to my why to shake out the dullness or the roteness of day to day, I think of a few words that are consistent with how I want to show up and express myself, to be in alignment with the results I desire: validate. inspire. uplift. These are the words I put on what happens when I have a great day or a great experience. When I validate myself, I find it natural to validate others. When I take the time to create an inspired state, it radiates and others benefit. When I tell a story on the inside that allows my thoughts and feelings to be that of upliftment, the thoughts and feelings that spill out match an uplifted spirit.
My desire to infuse myself with life juice was because I wanted to help the kids. I wanted the outcomes to change. No suicide. No violence. I wanted the kids to pulse with a knowing of their own value, worth, and potential that was so evident to me when I sat with them. And evident they didn’t see it in themselves.
Glennon Doyle. Untamed. The Cheetah.
I have only listened to the preface of Glennon’s book, Untamed. I should rephrase and say Glennon’s wildy popular book, Untamed. Listening to the preface is apparently a trend of mine – I love context, the backstory. Glennon tells this story of a Cheetah exhibit at a zoo. The ‘show’ was a live demonstration of how a cheetah can be tamed when raised with a yellow lab.
Glennon did not buy it. She looked into the cheetah’s eyes – the cheetah was born to be a cheetah. Of course, Glennon tells the story with so much force that you’re bawling from your toes up – a vomit. Whether it is because you match Glennon’s intensity (which is why I’m good with about 10 minutes at a time), or because you resonate with the stupidity of taming a cheetah, or maybe it’s because the idea of wild and untamed living gets your attention. Passion. Full expression of the talents, skills, and abilities that live inside of you.
We can live the unexamined no. The unexamined no most likely has a large fanbase. A majority, which allows the privilege of ‘no’ to be socially acceptable. Status quo.
Or you can shake it out and just be curious about the ‘nu…h…wait…why no?’ and see what happens. What happens when you let down the guard and allow a different, or a new, experience.
The energy shifts.
Energy is dynamic. It is not static. We are an evolving species. There is no supreme way, no supreme (elusive) way to be. We are born to move toward daily discomforts and continually grow/evolve from the experience.
We are not a fragile species unequipped to handle change and uncertainty.
Love yourself enough to care about how you feel. Why no? Why the rule? What happens if you let go of the rule? Is there a sense of relief? Can you allow yourself to enjoy a new idea? A new choice? A new experience? What happens if you try?
To resist is the hard no. To allow is the opposite of the hard line, the absolute. What if…?
Ahhhh….possibility. Now THIS feels good.