When something appreciates it grows.

Appreciate is just a word. To appreciate is an action I suppose. I can state that which I appreciate. The feeling state of appreciation is a gush. It grows.

I have somewhat of a morning routine. During a work week I get up extra early. This early morning routine of mine has been cultivated over time.

I create a lot of content. The content has been cultivated over time.

The early morning time grew because it was a time that I could most easily quiet my inside world to create content. 

When I forced creation it didn’t go so well. I would end up with a result, but the process was painful. It would include tears and mean self talk. When things didn’t go the way I wanted them to, I blamed me. When things did go the way I wanted them to, I didn’t give myself credit. 

Over time I flipped the pattern.

My early morning time begins with a knowing that the gush is not only available, it’s evident. 

It’s done.

The gush cannot not be. Whatever thoughts show up when I wake up I can wonder about, I can laugh at them, I can be curious about them, I can be fascinated about the connection of what I was paying attention to the prior day and how it was active when I woke up. It’s data. My data. 

I smile in anticipation of the gush. I do a variety of weird things that I don’t mind confessing to – but I don’t want to embarrass you as you read them.

As I get out of bed, I may stumble my way through a disastrous bedroom and perhaps hallway. I don’t react to it, it just is. I’ll put things away eventually. I make coffee, drink water. Whatever might show up in my inside world I know is moments away from being cleared. Cleared to a space where it may never show up again.

I know there will be a time when I wake up clear. It happens now and then. It doesn’t matter so much to me because I know whatever does show up is mostly just interesting. I don’t have to react to it. I didn’t do anything ‘wrong’, there is nothing ‘wrong’ with me. It just is.

I have a corner of my couch where I created a lounge. My legs are propped up on a makeshift ottoman. I have a tall window that doesn’t mean so much in the early morning I suppose. A lit candle sits on the corner of the piece of furniture in front of the window. I can’t think what the furniture is called. It doesn’t matter. 

I have soothing music that I put on as soon as I wake up. I light the candle. As I begin to write I use the flashlight on my phone and line it up behind pillows to find just the right amount of light to add to the space so I can see the lines on the notebook.

I don’t write right away. I may not write at all. I do nothing but sit in the space. I can do this for hours. 

Candle. Coffee. Comfort. 

I sit. I notice the simplicity. I love the simplicity.

It just is.

And here it comes.

Open. Free. Alive. Steady. Clear. Expansive. Love. Wellbeing. Enough. Balance.

I allow it. I have the experience. It always shows up. Sometimes the signal is further away and it doesn’t line up as clear as I know it can. I notice it. I know that those days will be what they will be. I have come to anticipate the next day. More clear. More open. 

When we allow a bit of hunger, the food tastes so good. When we notice what is missing, we recognize its value when it shows up again. Life has a way of creating meaning. Meaning appreciates. It grows.

What we value appreciates. We give it worth. We notice the absence of that which we value. We notice the absence of clarity, of comfort. The absence is essential to the noticing. The noticing of the absence is awareness. Awareness is aliveness. To live is to be curious about what matters, what is valuable. What holds meaning. What is real.

Self-Care. Caring about yourself enough to notice what matters. No one needs to know. Cultivate a curiosity about your own self. What is true to you. You have so much worth. It’s all that you are. Worthy. You tell the story. You create meaning by what what you focus on. You are the noticer. Notice what feels good. Really good. Intrinsically good. Unconditionally good. Be curious about it. Notice it. Allow it. Appreciate it because it is good. Notice it grow.