tricky.

The uncondition of love has a pulse.

I intentionally calibrate to the pulse in the early morning hours. I love this time. Like most good things, it has evolved to what it is now. It’s good. It’s really good.

The pulse I connect to in the early morning is full of possibility. The feeling of possibility is my favorite feeling. I love feeling what is possible.Β 

#redundant

Before I entered into this transformative decade, I experienced only fleeting moments of the pulse

To clarify, I am defining the pulse as the experience of goodness (love, possibility, clarity, wellbeing). The uncondition. This means that the feeling exists independent of conditions. 

The more depression consumed me, the more the clarity of the goodness, the feeling state of possibility, got my attention.

I’ve told my Catherine Zeta Jones story of when I saw her on the cover of People magazine declaring a bipolar diagnosis. I was ready to surrender to a clinical path and subsequent treatment plan as if the People cover was a ‘sign’, and then all at once I had a shift.Β 

I realized that if I could feel the pulse, even fleeting, then that meant it was available. It existed. It wasn’t missing. If I had it within me I could grow it and flip the situation = I could feel the dull sadness momentarily, and feel the goodness mostly.

It worked. 

It took a decade. But it worked.

We all have a story. Our story is continually unfolding. We choose the narrative. When the narrative resonates with truth, it feels good. Goodness is our reminder that we are on the path of our choosing, the one that feels good. It’s right.

My experience led me to the most loving, accepting, generous, authentic, forgiving relationship I have ever had with a human. My relationship with Me.

I am learning that this return to goodness awarded me with a foundation that was always available. It’s from this foundation, this eternal grounding source of stability, where I begin again…and again…and again.

Goodness is the nourishing root from which everything else grows.

It’s a tricky beat. One with a great plot twist. 

Life is experienced in relationship with others. It isn’t meant to be exclusive. Its richness is in its inclusivity.  

The story I tell.