truth.

Self monitor. 

An inner resource.

I tend to laugh at a well-timed ‘read the room’ comment. Read the room. A phrase that makes so much sense to some, and makes absolutely no sense to others. How does one ‘read’ a room?

Is read the room same as know your audience?

What does it mean? 

The executive skill to ‘self-monitor’ as it relates to one’s behavior (action or inaction) is perhaps unconscionable to some that one could lag in this ability.

Is one’s ability to read a room and monitor choice as to how to behave, how to act or not act (what to say or not say, what to do or not do), is this ability linked to social smarts? An intrinsic measure of empathy? A sense of a shared humanity? A desire for continuous personal growth?

When it comes to growing in awareness of what executive skills are and how to use one’s executive skillsets with intention for improved outcomes, requires a desire to improve. A desire to improve suggests that mastery is a relative, somewhat ambiguous, term. No one is a master.

Power.

Unexamined.

When one ascertains power over another via some defined role (job title, level of education, family position, size, gender, race, physical ability, talent) one may assume a level of mastery, or a general excusal from wrongdoing. 

I watched the first four episodes of the Chair on Netflix. A scene in the fourth episode included a simple example of this undercurrent of excusal. Those who attain a suggested level of power over another are to be excused of poor judgment or, as said in the scene, objectionable behavior. 

It seems that most can relate to the ‘excusal’ and point a finger to the one in power, but what about noticing when it’s your own self benefiting from the excusal? This happens when we refuse to own our own behavior and poor choicemaking. This happens when we argue and prove, rather than reflect and apologize for our part without excusal. 

A shared humanity can recognize when one is aligned in the truth of their own aliveness. Living from a grounded center that supports a recognition of what holds meaning and goodness. Truth resonates. When one is not grounded in truth, or when one does not take the time to return to a sense of stability and trust in what is true to who they are, we bounce. We play a game. Winners and losers. A lurking danger is always just right around the corner. The object of life is to protect oneself from the lurking danger of the other. The enemy. Power is earned. Power is necessary.

Years ago I had a friend whom I observed to be happily married (ie. ADORED his partner), ADORED and enjoyed his children, active in his own interests and pursuits, and seemingly content and satisfied in day. He had told me that when he was growing up he was a typical statistic of the times (late 80’s, left high school early, illegal means to get by, addictive behaviors). At one time, I think he said he was living in his car. The spouse he ADORED (girlfriend at the time) was a cornerstone of support and encouraged him to return to his education. He enrolled in a junior college.

I asked him what he thought contributed most to his shift. He told me that he had a teacher (at the J.C.) who told him to stop lying. He did. Things changed.

OWN your shit.

Read the room. We all have shit to OWN. When we OWN it, we see in the other what we see in our self. Strength and weakness. To know one is to know the other.