…and ‘should’ be is to only be exactly who you are. (authentic design by a small finger on a phone)


I took the pause last weekend. I chose the pause because never forget doesn’t land with me. I recognize interpretation is up to the individual. Remembering Goodness lands. As does compassion and love. Pushing against an enemy will not lead to freedom. There is no freedom when there is an enemy.

Pulled toward.

The goodness.

This months’ executive skillset continues with the inner resouce of to self-monitor as a skill that contributes to behavior regulation.

Self-Care: I care about myself enough to wonder about what is underneath my limiting behavior choices.

Let’s break it down. ➡️

If behavior is an action or inaction (what I choose todo or not todo), what lies beneath is an urge or impulse. A felt sensation.

To regulate is to control or manage. To regulate a behavior is to first notice the behavior. When one begins to notice the behavior, one notices a pattern. Does the pattern lead to growth and sustainable outcomes? Or does the pattern contribute toward more of the same, a sensation of being stuck or spinning in familiar results.

Self-Care: I care about myself enough to disrupt behavior patterns that do not contribute to growth and sustainable outcomes in my experience of day.

To effectively self-monitor one’s choices in social situations, circumstances, events, is situational awareness: Where am I in Space and Time. What are my context clues: Objects and People.

I just broke down a skillset that I should probably reference but I can’t remember who to reference. I think its Michelle Garcia Winner (socialthinking). The skill is STOP: Space.Time.Objects.People.

Self-Monitor: 🛑 and Read the Room.


💬 To my mind, EVERYTHING connects which is why it can be difficult to reference sources. Not to mention, I traumatized myself by works cited in grad school and I think I stubbornly defy the ‘rules’ in my blog posts – because I can. I don’t monetize off anyone’s content – if I did, I would be sure to cite and share – because of the human, not the supposed rules. 💬


What makes sense to me is to grow in the role of the observer: to observe ‘the room’ as if you are watching a movie with character roles and background settings. The setting is ‘space’. I interpret ‘time’ as what is it ‘time’ for? Is it time to listen or time to talk? Is it time to relax or time to act? In school (reference goes to Sarah Ward), a cue is ‘What’s your job?’ This can cleverly integrate one into their frontal lobe where the executive skills live. The ‘job title’ also paints a mind picture and allows one to shift into a particular role a bit easier. Try it. See if it works for you. And then use it with others you may be in a position to ‘teach’ – or in a position to model problem solving.

And now another reference, Daniel Goleman, whom I think shared the basic defintion of Emotional Intelligence as an ability to Identify, Understand, and Manage Emotions.

What if that same strategy (identify, understand, manage) applied to the inner resource of one’s ability to self monitor.

To identify is to notice and name. (Awareness)

To understand is to be curious about the why. Advanced skill: Future thinking (S. Ward) – Since/If ______, then _______.

To manage is to apply skills, tools, and strategies that support the regulated state of wellbeing, or equilibrium. One example is (S Covey) – Begin with the End in Mind: to know one’s desired outcome and get out ahead of it.

Practicing the things that contribute to a more satisfying (authentic/relevant/engaging*) experience of day, is Self-Care.

Self-Care: I care about myself enough to be open to noticing my experience, and to allow a different interpretation of situations, circumstances, events (and my response to them), that levels up day. #overandoveragain

Now THIS is me. 🤸

*I have to cite JeffcoGenerations for the language authentic/relevant/engaging. It is their mission that every lesson plan is such.

Please use the resources below for ‘context clues’ to my ideas 💛, as well as access to skills/tools/strategies that support sustainable growth outcomes and a leveled up experience of day. 🙌