A skill is a skill is a skill.

True or False?

Now what?

Dribbling is a basketball skill. Dribbling alone is an activity and may be considered enjoyable, rhythmic, a personal choice or preference. Dribbling as part of something more; a team, a game, a challenge…the application of this skill is a whole different experience leading to growth and greater contribution to a whole.

The skill of initiation, to initiate, is the art (?) of getting started. I can initiate a blog post by opening up my computer and then opening a new google doc. I have initiated the task. Now what? I can initiate doing laundry by putting a load of clothes into the washer. I began. I got started. I initiated a task. I am moving in the direction of an outcome. Now what?

Oh life. Why can you not just be linear. Why oh why must you be so complex? 

I actually would say it the other way around: Oh life. Why can you not just be complex. Why oh why must you be so linear?

Right brain. Left brain. Feminine. Masculine. East. West. Earth. Space. 

I am not so sure of the earth/space. Sounds good. Physical/Nonphysical is what I am going for. Visible/Invisible. Everything/Nothing.


Each individual has their own preferences and tendencies. Yet we all resonate with one energy source. I call the energy source wellbeing. The great state of balance. Not too much. Not too little. Equilibrium. Homeostasis. 

Since I am in the business of creating skills, tools, and strategies to bring awareness (identify) this calibrated state of ‘okay’ness; I would like to share an example of how understanding what something is NOT, can support understanding the complexity of what something is.

When one chooses to move toward discomfort, they have initiated and therefore taken the first step toward accessing the inner resources, or executive functioning skillsets, that support problem solving. 

Reacting to the sensation of discomfort is resisting it. Resisting discomfort closes down the flow of energy to the whole brain and can signal the stress response. Reacting to discomfort can become a pattern of a habitual story that supports some level of fight (pushing against, pointing a finger at the problem), flight (denying the problem, refusing to acknowledge the discomfort), freeze (deactivating, ghosting, avoiding the discomfort), faint (fading, illbeing/discomfort is the way, wellbeing is a myth).

The #1 social-emotional skillset: self awareness. Or maybe even awareness. Awareness of cycles and patterns that resonate with a sensation of being stuck or spinning in a version of the same outcome. Awareness is noticing the dysfunctional pattern (thinking, storytelling). Self-care is caring about yourself enough to disrupt the limiting cycle and begin to tell a story that resonates with growth and possibility. Wellbeing.

Recognize Resistance.

Resistance is not an enemy, nor is it a friend. If it had to be one or the other it would be more of a friend. However, since we can choose our friends, most of us are not self actualized enough to intentionally choose friends who constantly challenge us to examine our thinking, feeling, and behavior patterns. Resistance is not against us, although it ironically shows up when we push against growth. A growing pain I suppose. 

Resistance is an indicator that one is feeling discomfort or reluctance moving toward a task, a different or new way of thinking, a difficult or uncomfortable conversation, or a relationship challenge; to name a few general examples. Students in school settings (and perhaps home too…which I suppose is currently a school setting) can demonstrate resistance to writing. People demonstrate resistance to unexpected requests for their time. One can be resistant to getting out of bed, responding to demands, sharing an opinion, entertaining an opinion; the list goes on.

Resistance is Resistance is Resistance. And then what?

Self-awareness allows us the experience of noticing resistance. When we are not aware of resistance it can feel like this repetitive annoyance that never goes away. It can feel as if life and its inconveniences are continually happening TO me. The story I tell about unexamined resistance can be one where conditions are in charge of me. This can create an experience of a life where I am powerless to conditions, or I must use my power to control conditions. Self-awareness allows one to be the noticer and recognize the choice to move toward the condition. It feels empowering to recognize the ability to choose and move toward discomfort as a problem solving human.

A cell has a job to remain intact, balanced, and fluid.

The reptilian brain stem will protect me when I need it to.

The limbic system manages my feelings and memories. 

The ape brain helps me maximize that which can function as rote, or mimicked, behavior.

Me. Human. I can problem solve and access all of me in an integrated state of wellbeing.

I resist cleaning my bathroom. The shower is an enemy. It takes less than eight minutes.